I don't know about you, but I am an emotional person. Like, wowee, woah, golly gee, take a deep breath and count to ten, okay maybe 58, emotional. Thankfully my emotional range covers all spectrums: the lows AND the highs. But in theory, you name it, I feel it. And boy oh boy, do some of these feels feel.... well, great. Every now and then a natural bliss buzzes to a fleeting peak and I feel invincible. Those kinds of moments where you feel like every ounce of you is alive and thriving just the way you want it to be. For me, these instances are carefree, imaginative, and daring.
Those perfect moments are like butterflies. I KNOW THAT IS SO CHEESY BUT indulge me and let me flush this metaphor out for a minute... You want to capture them right? Come crashing down on them with a net, keep them in a little cage and let them fly around when you're feeling sad to cheer you up. & you can marvel at them, but when they're not in their natural habitat they wither up and perish. Not only are they gone, but you remember them as a weaker, substandard version of themselves. If only you had observed their beauty as they flew in and out of your world, instead of causing their demise.
I have the worst habit of doing this with great moments. Because when I'm having terrible moments, all I can think about is reliving those great moments. I obsess over it when I'm weighed down with dread, terrified to make a move, overcome with shame, or dripped in lethargy. I beat myself over these negative emotions. These instances are bad, and I'm bad for feeling this way. And then for some reason, it even seems the great moments seem to lose their merit. I try to summon them like it was as easy as flipping a switch. Be happy, now! Be funny, now! Be creative, now!
And when that obviously doesn't work, the catastrophic self cross-examination comes rolling in.....Why can't I feel great right now? What good were those great times if I feel so terribly now?! Why can't you conjure a great attitude at the drop of a hat?! Why can't you be creative right now? Why are you so boring? Why can't you get excited about this? and on and on and on...
When instead, I should embrace ALL of these feelings for what they are by recognizing them as thoughts. Okay, I admit, I'll deviate from mindfulness a tad bit to marinate in the great moments for a little whlie longer than is advised by some gurus, sure. In my opinion, those magical moments are what makes it all worthwhile! But overall, I'm learning to observe my thoughts, acknowledge them, and then let them keep flying onward.
CATCH THIS MOMENT:
If I could catch this moment, and save it for later
If I could catch this moment, and save it for later
For when the waves of fear crash down on me
& I can't even tell what's up from what is down
For when the walls are closing in on me,
& I can't even tell if I can turn around
Then I could feel free, I could feel free,
As I do now
If I could catch this fever, and save it for later
If I could catch this fever, and save it for later
For when the skies above are solid gray
& I can't get a hint of rain or sunny rays
For when the walls are white clean cold and bare
& I haven't got a clue of what to hang up there
Then I could feel wild, I could feel wild
As I do now
If I could, I would fold it up real neat
store it in a locket
Maybe safe in my back pocket
If I could, I would melt it down real sweet
Pour it into a flask
Or maybe mold it into a mask
I-i-i, I'd take it with me everywhere, everywhere
I-i-i, I'd take it with me everywhere, everywhere, everywhere
If I could catch this feeling, and save it for later
If I could catch this feeling, and save it for later
For when the winds are thrashing back and forth
& I can't decide if the needle points south or north
For when the walls are thrashing all around
& I'm shivering at each and every sound
Then I could feel bold, I could feel bold
As I do now
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